Papa Elf injured his arm, which bled profusely. Our HMO shut down its emergency facilities, so he drove 50 miles away to the nearest available emergency room. (Yes, we have hospital emergency rooms close by, but visiting them is to put your life at risk. Super-crowded waiting rooms with people sneezing and coughing in your face, lowlifes daring you to look askance at them. . .you get the idea.) They patched him up very well, and sent him home. Well, that 3-hour exposure was all it took: a week later he woke up with chills and fever, a sore throat, and aching all over. We immediately dug out the Covid-19 tests we'd saved, and yes. It was positive. He went to the HMO two days ago. They gave him a prescription for the latest wonder drug: Pax-something-or-other. It's been 2 days, and he's improving by the day.Meanwhile, Baby Elf and I have been feeling under the weather. We took the home tests, and both came out negative. But we still felt slightly sick. (I spent most of last night coughing.) So we called the HMO. The medicine in question works wonders, but must be taken within 5 days of exposure. I called the HMO. Elderly, somewhat asthmatic, obese (sigh,) heart patient: "yes" to all. So I am eligible for a prescription for the drug, PROVIDED I test positive. We found an outdated test, but it turned out negative. But I still cough all the time, have no appetite, feel lousy, etc., etc. etc. So I called the HMO. Yes! I am eligible for a free test! To avoid infecting others, I must use the test that Kai. . .oops! that the HMO would send. Expect delivery in 5 to 7 days, when the medicine would be of no use. Ga-a-a-a-gh!
(You may wish to disinfect your computer after exposure to this letter.)
