So here's a keg (one's enough; it's a bottomless barrel) of this year's Elf Ale, which is just now aged to perfection. Bones, will you do the honors? As usual, you can get as "high" as you feel like getting with this potable, as it will make you happy, but still able to pass any sobriety test invented. This year's brew is especially blended to make you remember all the good things and forget covid, the economy, and all the other bugaboos. How does it taste? Well, it tastes like however you want it to taste. If you like malty, it's malty. Same with grainy and hoppy. Don't like beer and ale? Well this magic brew will taste like whatever you like best. Single malt? Right on! That rare wine you ran across in a small village in Tuscany? Here it is, to a T! Prefer Irish cream? This will even outshine Bailey's. Nostalgic for authentic Coca-Cola in those bottles with the city name on the bottom? It's here.

So drink up one and all! As I said, the keg is bottomless.

*Hogmanay = Scottish New Year's.