It sounds as though you were in London or its environs. You want to try visiting some of the areas north of Birmingham - Cheshire, Derbyshire and points north. Life is much more acceptable, and some of the beers are excellent. See if you can find an ale called Black Sheep - it's made by the people who used to own Theakstons, and they haven't lost their touch. It usually comes in bottles, but I have seen it once on draught, I think - can't remember where.As for London, I cannot do better than quote my sister's reply when she was asked by a Londonophile what her favourite sight in London was. She said "The sight of Kings Cross railway station receding into the distance."
Re the French vinyards, I totally agree, as long as I'm not driving. 
If I have to drive, its just frustrating.
About the cider: all ciders should have a bit of "body" about them - you know that! *evil grin*
Thanks for the info!